I’m going on the record here… I am a big fan of Sailor Jerry rum. I said it. It happened. Deal with it. It’s a medium colored “spiced rum”, with some pretty nice flavors of cinnamon, allspice and clove. It’s 92 proof, so it makes for a great sippin’ rum. My favorite use of it so far is in the Tattooed Seaman, which I had at TVH.
Tattooed Seaman
3 oz. Sailor Jerry Rum
1 tsp. Dem Syrup
Root Beer Bitters
Stir, serve down.
Yes, this is essentially a rum old fashioned, but the root beer bitters are massively important to this drink. For some reason these ingredients are the fucking balls together. Just a bit of sweet from the sugar, and you’re dealing with Ass Kick 101.
Dear Mr. Beam Rye,
I think you and I kinda got off on the wrong foot. I was sorta new to the rye scene, and you were hanging around with some people I’m personally not a big fan of, so I made a judgment call, and it was a bit harsh. Yeah, I harshed you bro. But then, I saw you at Cut-Rate Liquor, hanging out, the only bottle of rye in stock, and I was like, “let’s put this to rest…. let’s end this.” And you were like “werd.”
Are you as sweet and spicy as your neighbor Wild Turkey 101 Rye? No. Are you as budget friendly as Old Overholt? Not so much. Do I feel that you would be perfectly acceptable used in a sazerac cocktail. Absolutely. “The World’s Finest Rye?” Not by a long shot. But listen, you’ve got your own distinct set of qualities, my friend. You’re a little peppery, somewhat nutty, and have a decent finish. All in all, you’re not bad, and I apologize for what went down between us… Alls I’m saying is, we’re cool.
Love & Handjobs,
The Captain
Shit in a bucket, I can’t believe I haven’t reviewed this shit before now. It’s an error on my part – an oversight – and I apologize to you, my dear reader. But let’s put that business behind us, and return to the matter at hand: Brugal Anejo Rum: Who the Fuck Wants to Party?
"Anejo" is Spanish for "Extremely Boss"
This is a gold Dominican Rum… really versatile – ideal for Palmettos, Daiquiris, etc. It’s slightly sweet, has a touch of nuttiness and a really nice finish. It’ not Metusalem or RdB, but it’s only about 17 bucks in MI, so it’s pretty much my go to rum.
And also, you know what? That gold string on there … it comes with it! I didn’t even put that on there! The shit’s fancy dude, I’m telling you… and since when do you need friends to have a party? You don’t! Get yourself a bottle of Brugal, a few limes, and that’s it. Done. Party in a bottle. Party in a fucking bottle, brohammer.
Do me a favor… slow your fucking roll, and read that shit at the top of the bottle. I mean it, take three fucking seconds out of your day and read something once. One fucking time. For once in your fucking life. Okay? Just do it. See that? “By appointment to HRH the Prince of Wales.” The fucking Prince of Wales, bro. You’re telling me that dude doesn’t know how to party? He does, brohammer, he does… trust me. That guy parties in ways that make the real Prince look like a total D bag.
Drinking Laphroaig is like being hit in the mouth with a really, really salty branch, that has some moss on it, and is also on fire… in the best possible way. Laphroaig, from the island of Islay, Scotland, is Gaelic for “the Frog.” Okay, that’s not true. But you know what is true? Phillip K. Dick was a major fan of the stuff… from The Divine Invasion:
“I don’t want you to work too hard,” Linda Fox said. “I have a feeling you work too hard. I want you to relax and enjoy life. There’s so much to enjoy: good wine, friends.”
Herb said, “Laphroaig Scotch.”
In amazement, Linda Fox exclaimed, “Don’t tell me you know about Laphroaig Scotch? I thought I was the only person in the world who drinks Laphroaig!”
“It’s been made in the traditional copper stills for over two hundred and fifty years,” Herb Asher said. “It requires two distillations and the skill of an expert stillman.”
Yes; that’s what it says on the package.” She began to laugh. “You got that off the package, Herb.”
“Yeah,” he said
I probably couldn’t have said it better myself. Probably. New category added, in it’s honor.
Fuck. I hate this post title. But it’s sorta clever, because this post is about all the different bitters I have. Except that there is a brand of bitters called “The Bitter Truth.” So really, it’s not very clever at all, and I am exposed for the small, deceitful man that I am. Then again, that’s probably how Faulkner felt about his writing too. So fucks it. As the kids say.
From left:
Fee Brothers Cherry Bitters
Of all the FB bitters, I guess this is my favorite. It’s really tart, and has a definite cherry flavor which stands out in the drink. It’s not very bitter. Also, I am not crazy about Fee Brothers in general. They all seem to taste pretty artificial to me… essentially they use artificial flavorings and glycerin as a flavor enhancer because it’s easier and cheaper. And while I can’t help but buy them, I don’t like myself for it.
Absente Absinthe
Okay, this isn’t a bitter. But, I scored this 1ooml bottle of Absente a month back, and am pretty stoked about it since I only ever use absinthe by the dash.
Fee Brothers West India Orange Bitters
This is the first Fee Bros I bot. I used to really like it. Then I tried the Ango Orange. Oh jeez.
Underberg Bitters
I actually grabbed this one today. Not really sure what to do with it yet. It’s got a bit of an anise flavor, and isn’t extremely bitter.
Fee Brothers Rhubarb Bitters
Umm… I guess so. I dunno what rhubarb really tastes like, but I doubt it tastes like this.
Peychaud’s Bitters
If the king of bitters is Angostura, the queen is Peychauds. Not in a gay way. Just saying. A must hizzave for you kizzabinet.
Angostura Bitters
See above.
Root Beer Bitters
Michael’s from TVH. Fuck yeah. Check it.
Lemon Grass Bitters
My recipe. I use these pretty much only in dry martinis.
Toasted Walnut Bitters
Butter Bitters
Failed. I guess I keep them around to remind me how sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you actually suck.
Fee Brothers Old Fashioned Bitters
Like Ango, but more cinnamony. Like a Christmas Ango. But sucky.
Lucid Absinthe
Small bots, sucker.
Elixir Vegetal
Anogstura Orange Bitters
You can have them all. You can have them all, save this one. It’s the wall’s balls. Just so good. So damned, damned good. The best orange bitters I’ve ever had.
Fee Brothers Aztec Chocolate Bitters
What the fuck do you use chocolate bitters in? I’m open to suggestions.
I’ve got one rule… when in doubt, give Gin. After all, one size fits all, and it’s perfect for both funerals and Bar Mitzvahs. Fortunately, my good buddy Snack Attack lives by the same rule, and gave me a bottle of Cascade Gin, made by the Bendistellery, in Bend, Oregon.
If you’ve got the means, I suggest you smash the heck out of a bottle of this… by which I mean drink. It’s a classic gin, no fucking cucumbers or kielbasa flavorings… just “hand picked wild juniper berries,” which means it’s got a strong juniper flavor – something I really enjoy in my gin – go figure. It’s also 95 proof, which means it’s great for mixing. Mmmm, gin.
So, you’ll notice that I’ve added a new category, over there, on the right. The one called “The Classics.” I’ll be marking posts with this category when it’s a real-deal, old school recipe. I’ll also go back and tag posts that adhere to this criteria (Daquiri, Margarita, Sidecar, etc.). So, having said that, here’s the recipe for a Brooklyn, my absolute favoritest cocktail ever.
The Brooklyn
3 oz. Rye
.75 oz. Dry Vermouth
.5 oz. Averna Amaro
.25 oz. Luxardo Maraschino
Ango Bitters
Stir over ice, strain, serve down, mist and garnish with orange peel (or lemon peel if you’re a coward like me).
Okay, so, after I said all that crap at the start of this post about “real deal” recipes, I’ve already waffled. You see, the traditional Brooklyn calls for Amer Picon. Amer Picon is basically an orange flavored French amaro that is no longer available in the states. However, I’m using Averna – a lovely Italian amaro that’s got a great orange flavor – which is IMEFO the closest commercially available substitute to the real dangle.
Also, I am going to take a moment to endorse Wild Turkey 101 rye. I’ve mentioned it a few times in this blog, but I want to point out that it is both a fantastic tasting overproof rye, and is extremely reasonably priced. It’s under $20 in Michigan, and is pretty much the best bet if you’re in the rye market. Which I am, frequently.
I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s been snowing, or that I’m a total drunk, but all day I’ve been thinking about a really, really nice Daiquiri. You know, a nice dark rum, a fresh lime and some sugar. Simple and groin-grabbingly delicious. I grabbed a bottle of Metusalem, which calls itself a “Cuban Rum.” While it’s actually made in the Dominican, it used to be made in Cuba (incidentally, the same can be said for Bacardi). Anzyways, this shit is delish. Dark, caramelly, a little hot, a little sweet. Yeah dude, yeah. And this cocktail right here – it’s as easy as it gets brohammer – and just about as good too.
Daquiri
3 oz. Boss-assed rum
Juice of half a lime
1 tbsp. agave nectar
Shake, serve up. Try not to shed tears of happiness.
So, it’s said that the Cubans invented the Daquiri (and the Mojito, fwiw). After tasting this Metusalem Rum, I believe it.
I’ve been buying all these Amari lately… pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Some stores have old shit on the shelves that you’re not likely to come by anymore. When in doubt, I buy. And whilst I do like some better than others, all in all they’re a pretty wild bunch.
Fernet-Branca (Milan)
Medium caramel color. Smells strongly of mint, botanicals, anger. Immediately bitter, medicinal taste. Aftertaste is minty, bitter, hatey.
Del Capo (Calabria)
Light caramel color. Smells like baby aspirin. Sweet, citrusy, minty. Slightly bitter. Really nice, actually.
Punch Abruzzo (Sambuceto)
Dark caramel color. Smells like store bought egg nog. Tastes like circus peanuts, baby asprin, egg nog, citrus and mint. In that order. Not bad. This one also says it’s a cane neutral spirit and has caffeine. A little weird, yes. I suspect it’s no longer imported to the US. It was also about $50 (!)
Averna (Venice)
Dark caramel color. Subtle nose. Sweet, earthy, hints of citrus and mint – and maybe mushrooms? – or not. Delicious.
Cynar (Milan)
Medium caramel color. Heavy botanical nose. Sweet, coffee, earth. Shit’s delish, bro. D-fucking-lish.
It’s a safe bet that one could add 1/2 oz. to either a Manhattan or Negroni, and not ruffle too many feathers, with the exception of the Fernet, which will pretty much shit on the cake and piss in the punch, as they say. Use sparingly, unless you’ve got really big ones.
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